A Synchronized Sequence of Events

My tenth year at Burning man was a wild success.  I felt happier, healthier, more sober, fed and well-rested than I have in my 9 preceding burns.  I felt more able to connect with my friends, campmates and community than ever before as well.  Something is shifting in me that I am so happy about.  I am finally taking a decided interest in my health and wellbeing, both physically and mentally and it is being reflected back to me in the deepening connection I feel with others. I wandered aimlessly from lake to ocean post-burn until the 11th, when I took myself to a business and personal development event in San Jose, California called The Client Attraction Summit, put on by Thrive Academy.  

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Photo credit: Gurps Chawla

I don’t believe in accidents.  It was succinctly timed that I was as exhausted and emotionally vulnerable as one is after Burning Man, while also being faced with intense inquiry and intimate experiences at this event.  I pushed myself hard to exit my comfort zone and pinpoint exactly what about the workshop was uncomfortable to me.  I think by allowing myself to express emotions and to follow winding thoughts like: Why am I here?  Do I deserve this?  Am I capable of making a difference?  Do I have anything worth sharing with the world?  I was led more toward things like: Who am I to not share my light?  What better way could I spend my time than by trying to make an impact?  Isn’t it more important to ask for help than to stand here, an island, unable to progress?  Isn’t it scarier not to try at all, than to end up failing? 

I went to gain clarity, and each day I uncovered more and more details about the message that I want to share with the world, and who specifically I want to work with.  I decided that I most like to help women heal their current relationships with family, lovers and community by magnifying their own inner power and releasing past suffering.  Sound familiar?  It is often those most like us that we are meant to serve.  Realizing this gave me the strength to clean things up with some people in my life, as a way of truly walking my talk.

I learned a lot last weekend, not the least of which was to believe in myself and to open the fuck up.  We are here on earth to relate to one another, to figure out how to do this ‘human’ thing and to do whatever we can to pull ourselves and others out of suffering.  I’m so delighted to be on this journey with you, and I am so inspired about the changes I’m making in my life right now, thanks to Thrive Academy and their dream team of Coaches and Holistic Practitioners.  If anyone wants to hear more about it, feel free to contact me Zenlunatix at g mail dot com

And so it goes… Stay tuned for more magic as this next year catches fire. 

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Following Breadcrumbs

FS yin yangI recently had an interesting discussion with a friend of mine about pursuing one’s passion.  I subscribe to the notion that everyone has an inner talent, an inner genius, a natural propensity for something in life that they are not only good at, but that feels good to them.  My friend was determined that the only thing he was passionate about was playing Basketball and the ship had sailed on doing that professionally so I was wrong. 

I’m not writing this article to prove I’m right but in hopes of inspiring a treasure hunt in those who are willing to read this.  If you have not yet discovered your passion, the only way you can absolutely not find it is by not looking, or by giving up.  I am not saying that we don’t have to work shitty jobs in the mean time.  If you only knew the number of jobs I have quit and been fired from in the last decade while hunting down my passions.  You likely will have to do something to pay the bills while you sort out what it is you truly love doing, what you’re great at, what you have to offer the world and how the fuck it can be marketable.  But the key is to not get comfortable.  Don’t allow that job you don’t love, no matter how well it pays or how content you are right now doing it, to become your life and distract you from trying new things.  The only way to fail at this is to give up trying.  This is a law of numbers, there is no way you can miss 100% of the time.  You win some and you lose some but you win some.  If you try things and they’re not quite right for you, you MUST try more things. 

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I’m a very fortunate person.  I had a support system that allowed me to fuck up a lot of times and get back to ground zero over and over again while I explored the world and did things I enjoyed until I dowsed out what I was truly passionate about.  Not everyone has the time I did, or the backup plan… But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.  It is only impossible when you decide it is.  Do the things that scare you, do the things that make you nervous and sweaty and that sound like another person’s life because everything is someone else’s until you make it yours, and become the person that it belongs to.

I could go into a rant about the law of attraction and the power of the mind in manifesting things and the incredible transformation I’ve experienced with nothing more than a simple daily gratitude list but I’ll save that for another day.  Right now all I’m asking is that you keep trying.  Keep testing the waters for something new you haven’t ruled out yet, because the more people who find out what it is they’re passionate about the better off this world will be.  Happiness breeds happiness.  Courage inspires courage in others.  Passion is contagious and it generates enthusiasm and engagement and productivity.  Be BOLD!  Figure out what you want and go get it.  E.E. Cummings said, “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”

Maybe the word ‘passion’ itself is a hangup for you, maybe you need to find something that simply engages you.  Find something that pulls on your insides and lights a little fire in there.  Something that you enjoy and that feels more like a hobby than work and do that, pursue that, trust it as simply a bread crumb leading you in the right direction because you can trust your heart, or your gut, or whatever part inside you that knows things before your brain talks you out of it.  That inner self or innate wisdom deep inside you knows and will help you make decisions along the way if you train yourself to listen.

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I have put off writing this for a while because there are so many versions of this letter out there already, a fabulous one was written by my own mother, which you can read here, about achieving mastery and not giving up.  And another by one of my favorites, the infamous Cheryl Strayed, you can read here about allowing yourself to be where you are, and figure out what’s next.  This is not a new discussion, but I brought it up again because sometimes we need to be reminded.  We are the architects of our own lives, and we can pretend to be the victim of our circumstances or we can take responsibility and empower ourselves to craft it exactly as we see fit.

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The Hundredth Monkey

I heard recently that the phenomenon of a flock of birds all turning in the same direction seemingly at once is actually a tipping point scenario.  While almost instantaneous, it is in fact a majority decision being made.  When enough of them agree on a particular direction (by turning slightly and pointing) the rest simply follow suit.  This got me thinking of the collective energy in my life.  Once again finding myself on a transatlantic cruise with my mother and nearly twenty other writers there is an almost palpable shift in our creative energy that happens when we gather.  Perhaps it’s only that we have nothing better to do all day so we may as well be productive but I believe its something more.  Its an activated vibration, a strengthening of our inner listening, a building of energy that after the first few days seems to pull us effortlessly along with it, a turning of enough heads in the direction of progress that the scales tip and we fall into our creative zones.

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This kind of collective energy exists in a number of places in our lives.  It’s up to us to decide which flock we want to be in, what energy we want to subscribe to.  Would you like to be in the collective that watches network news?  A daily dose of focussing on drama and trauma, fear propaganda and the who’s who of celebrity socialites.   Or would you like to find your world shifting in the direction of gratitude and beauty?  Energizing yourself through active positive thinking and conscious attention.  Truth and wholeness.  Progress and productivity.  What are you focusing on?  What are you training your mind to see and do?  What are you allowing to be magnified by your conscious thought?  What flock are you in and which way are you turning the tides?

The Buddha by Odilon Redon

 

The hundredth monkey theory says that once enough of a population knows a certain trick (or use of a tool) then a tipping point can be passed where the entire population suddenly knows.  If enough monkey’s on one island figure out how to open a nut with a rock, then spontaneously without cross pollination, the monkey’s on a nearby island begin practicing the same skill.  What percentage of the world would it take to focus on light and creation, compassion and community before war and poverty and fear would fade away?

Something to consider.  By taking responsibility for our attention, our thoughts and actions, perhaps we get to vote on what direction the world goes.  Might you be the hundredth monkey?

Monkey with Skull by Hugo Rheinhold

 

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Full Spectrum Hypnotherapy

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I own a business now.

Looking back on my life as a chain of events I can see all the turning points that led to this.  How perfectly placed and seemingly spontaneous each moment was.  Getting fired from that job.  Changing time zones.  Consoling that friend.  Seeing the universe displayed in the heart of a person through their wide open eyes.  A moment so humbling that time seems to stop and you can look around and get it all.  This illusory life thing.  Pivotal moments that pushed and pulled me down a path, guiding me toward my passion.

I recently read a book by Michael Newton called Journey of Souls.  The book said that some of his clients, while regressed to a state between lives, reported a class like scene in which they memorized all the “signs” they’d be given in their upcoming life.  Things like the look of a person’s smile, or the smell of their soulmate’s hair.  Signals meant to be recognized by us in life, in order to lead us to the right lessons.  I think we can all recall a few of these moments of clarity.

About a month and a half ago I was out for a walk.  I’d been manifesting an office: somewhere to write, somewhere to ‘get work done’, and maybe a place to begin seeing clients.  I passed by a small spanish style house that had been converted into offices.  A large yellow banner said, “For Lease.”  A wooden sign out front listed a small assortment of MFT’s and Doctors, but the section on the sign for office number four was blank.  Four happens to be my lucky number, and I’d been looking for an office.  “It’s a sign,” I said to myself.  Yes, out loud.

I entered the building expecting a receptionist and found none.  I located the door marked four and knocked.  No answer.  So, I tried the handle and as soon as the door swung wide I knew.  This was my office.  Not because of the beautiful skylight or the light blue walls.  Not even because four is my lucky number, though that helped.  I simply recognized it.  I knew somewhere inside me that this room has a place in my life.  ‘It was meant to be’ would be a cheesy way to say it but that’s what I felt.  With conviction.  This is a space in which some of my life’s work will be done.  And then as though heavy, loud dominoes were falling, all the pieces to creating this business fell into place.  A lease.  A business license.  A bank account.  A desk.  A lamp.  A logo.  My name on that sign out front and then… my first client!  Almost as though the thing spilled right out of me, like it had been waiting to exist and now it does, at last.

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I own a business now.  On Main Street in downtown Half Moon Bay, California.  A lease to me was like a noose for the better part of the last decade and I can honestly say I’m a little bit thrilled to pay rent this month.  I have finally found a thing that I truly want to have.

 

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If you know anyone that could potentially be interested in hypnotherapy, please send them my way.  Officially open for sessions via skype, yes it works that way too.  OR, of course, in my shiny new office for those nearby.

Update: Wildheartsriseup.com has replaced Full Spectrum

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Oscar the Owl

A commission piece I did for my friend Kasey.  String and nails on 3ft. by 4 ft. medium density fiberboard.

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November 7, 2014 · 4:27 pm

Omega

About two years ago I read a book called Miracles Happen by Brian Weiss.  I had an epiphany that healing through hypnosis and past life regression is something I am meant to do.  I got my name on the waiting list for a five day intensive workshop with Dr. Weiss and imagined all the magical things that would occur if my name were to be called and I were to fly to upstate New York to experience one of Weiss’ workshops at the Omega Institute.  I drew a giant Omega symbol on my bathroom mirror.  I crossed my fingers and wrote about how much I wanted to go.  Last June I got a phone call asking me if I was ready to register.  I didn’t have the money but I said yes, and told them I’d pay  whatever I could whenever it came to me.  The passage that follows was written shortly after my return from Omega a month ago.  Yesterday I registered for a hypnotherapy certification course and am delighted to announce that I see this beautiful and inspiring road stretching out before me and I will hopefully be touring the country to practice on all my loved ones soon…

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I’m finding myself squinting into the light of life post-Omega.  I expected transformation.  I expected profound awakenings.  I expected soul mates and clarity and a new skill-set to take back into the world with me.  I received almost all of these things, along with jet-lag and emotional exhaustion.  I believe I got exactly what I was meant to.
I saw a man connect with a total stranger whom he shared past lives with, coming to the realization that she was his grandfather reincarnated.  I made sure to nag him to have her meet his father, still living, if at all possible.  I am hoping that they can all three make amends for the things in the past that they regret and forgive each other from a new place of understanding. They are having a reunion as I type this.
I saw myself as a child, making very clear and correct decisions based on my intuition. This was followed by years of emotional abuse, where I forged water-tight walls around my heart in order to protect myself.  The abuse having ended half a lifetime ago, I realized the very sturdy barrier that I had up against the rest of the world was no longer necessary.  If my intuition was strong and accurate at six years old, why would it be less so now?  I will know when someone sounds my inner alarm, and can then protect myself.  Having this realization allowed me to begin tearing that wall down.  During an exercise we did, I was able to identify my upper back and shoulder pain as my physical manifestation of that shield of armor and release it.  The pain is still gone and I’d like to think my ‘hunted’ persona is fading as well.
I saw moments in my past that I had forgotten and found love for myself that I had yet to allow myself to accept.  I held my grandfathers hand between worlds and saw another life that I shared with my father.  I regressed a classmate and wrote furiously as his spirit guides answered all the questions I could come up with.  I softened my shell and I now feel very deeply in love despite my current fragility.

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I will be forever changed by this workshop and am thrilled to follow the white rabbit as it leads me to more experiences in this work.  I plan on taking a hypnotherapy certification course in late November.  Until then I’ll be practicing on whoever I can find, and trying to piece together the wealth of insights I received in the past week. Today I struggled through traffic and bills and red tape.  I yelled at ‘bad’ drivers in my way.  And then the universe fed me a couple game-changers.  Two people crossed my path and shifted my awareness back to benevolence.  The universe will test us, it will pull us through the muck but it will pull us out again too.  There is light through the darkness.  And the roller-coaster rides on, like a slow-motion strobe light.  Take a nice deep breath, and feel yourself relaxing.

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Nine Lives

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Watching this three year old girl board a plane to Hawaii a couple weeks ago, I was brought back to a time I was that small on a plane.  Helping the flight attendants serve drinks.  Sporting those little plastic wings on my shoulder.  Getting a tour of the cockpit during flight.  Back when their doors were open.  So much has changed.  Not just in the world of aviation but in the world of that fearless little traveler with the pink backpack and long blond hair.
I’ve spent the first summer in six years not on the road.  I realize that in writing this I’ve just returned from a week vacation in Hawaii and will be leaving for Black Rock City in a matter of hours, but this summer for the first time in a long time I’ve decided to forgo the itch to move, the need to dance and the love of festivities for something more.  I’ve spent the last four months working almost every day on the novel I thought I’d completed a year ago.  After letting it sit for eight months it was an entirely new game.  It’s grown another hundred solid, fine-tuned pages and the more work I do on it, the more work I can see needs to be done.

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I’ve fallen in love.  Allowing myself to follow my heart into a kind of solitude to work has allowed a kind, loving and talented man to find his way into my life.  Always when you least expect it, they say.  I don’t know what the future will bring.  I am tumbling down a steep path of transition this month but I trust that as the path unfolds out of the dark before me, I will continue to find light.
Next week will be my ninth consecutive year at Burning Man.  I will burn the past and light the future once again.  Burn the heartache and unworthiness.  Burn the fear of success.  Burn the loss of loved ones.  Burn anything keeping me from evolving into my highest self.  Great things are coming.  Big colorful magical things.  And now is the moment that we get to live inside of with love, gratitude, hope and inspiration.  I have lived so many ways and so many places.  I am utterly thrilled to see what more this life will bring.queensbath

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