My tenth year at Burning man was a wild success. I felt happier, healthier, more sober, fed and well-rested than I have in my 9 preceding burns. I felt more able to connect with my friends, campmates and community than ever before as well. Something is shifting in me that I am so happy about. I am finally taking a decided interest in my health and wellbeing, both physically and mentally and it is being reflected back to me in the deepening connection I feel with others. I wandered aimlessly from lake to ocean post-burn until the 11th, when I took myself to a business and personal development event in San Jose, California called The Client Attraction Summit, put on by Thrive Academy.
I don’t believe in accidents. It was succinctly timed that I was as exhausted and emotionally vulnerable as one is after Burning Man, while also being faced with intense inquiry and intimate experiences at this event. I pushed myself hard to exit my comfort zone and pinpoint exactly what about the workshop was uncomfortable to me. I think by allowing myself to express emotions and to follow winding thoughts like: Why am I here? Do I deserve this? Am I capable of making a difference? Do I have anything worth sharing with the world? I was led more toward things like: Who am I to not share my light? What better way could I spend my time than by trying to make an impact? Isn’t it more important to ask for help than to stand here, an island, unable to progress? Isn’t it scarier not to try at all, than to end up failing?
I went to gain clarity, and each day I uncovered more and more details about the message that I want to share with the world, and who specifically I want to work with. I decided that I most like to help women heal their current relationships with family, lovers and community by magnifying their own inner power and releasing past suffering. Sound familiar? It is often those most like us that we are meant to serve. Realizing this gave me the strength to clean things up with some people in my life, as a way of truly walking my talk.
I learned a lot last weekend, not the least of which was to believe in myself and to open the fuck up. We are here on earth to relate to one another, to figure out how to do this ‘human’ thing and to do whatever we can to pull ourselves and others out of suffering. I’m so delighted to be on this journey with you, and I am so inspired about the changes I’m making in my life right now, thanks to Thrive Academy and their dream team of Coaches and Holistic Practitioners. If anyone wants to hear more about it, feel free to contact me Zenlunatix at g mail dot com
And so it goes… Stay tuned for more magic as this next year catches fire.
Watching this three year old girl board a plane to Hawaii a couple weeks ago, I was brought back to a time I was that small on a plane. Helping the flight attendants serve drinks. Sporting those little plastic wings on my shoulder. Getting a tour of the cockpit during flight. Back when their doors were open. So much has changed. Not just in the world of aviation but in the world of that fearless little traveler with the pink backpack and long blond hair.
I’ve spent the first summer in six years not on the road. I realize that in writing this I’ve just returned from a week vacation in Hawaii and will be leaving for Black Rock City in a matter of hours, but this summer for the first time in a long time I’ve decided to forgo the itch to move, the need to dance and the love of festivities for something more. I’ve spent the last four months working almost every day on the novel I thought I’d completed a year ago. After letting it sit for eight months it was an entirely new game. It’s grown another hundred solid, fine-tuned pages and the more work I do on it, the more work I can see needs to be done.
I’ve fallen in love. Allowing myself to follow my heart into a kind of solitude to work has allowed a kind, loving and talented man to find his way into my life. Always when you least expect it, they say. I don’t know what the future will bring. I am tumbling down a steep path of transition this month but I trust that as the path unfolds out of the dark before me, I will continue to find light.
Next week will be my ninth consecutive year at Burning Man. I will burn the past and light the future once again. Burn the heartache and unworthiness. Burn the fear of success. Burn the loss of loved ones. Burn anything keeping me from evolving into my highest self. Great things are coming. Big colorful magical things. And now is the moment that we get to live inside of with love, gratitude, hope and inspiration. I have lived so many ways and so many places. I am utterly thrilled to see what more this life will bring.
38 hours till lift off. Black Rock City bound! It’s so close I can taste it. Actually I can literally taste it as the clouds of dust shake out of my unwashed rainbow gear. The preparation is well under way but a D&M (deep and meaningful conversation) recently got me thinking ahead. To when the man lies in ashes and the wagons turn around.
When leaving Burning Man each year most of us, while sleep deprived and emotionally exhausted, are also supercharged with a deep connection. A connection to our community, and what it is to be a part of one, and also connected with a deeper part of ourselves. A part that unfortunately we often struggle to keep around. That for me is a huge reason why I keep going back. I desire that yearly reminder of what it feels like to be unconditionally loved and unconditionally loving towards each person you come across. The temple burn gets far less press than the man. Rightly so, this party in the desert was first created and is first recognized as just that: A party. The temple, however, is an opportunity to evolve. We spend the week placing mementos, writing notes, and dropping baggage in the temple. Sunday night we then burn the thing to the ground. A friend of mine a few years back hated this idea. “It’s so beautiful. How could we possibly build something so wonderful just to set it on fire?” True. It’s fucking crazy when you think about it physically. But as temples generally are built for spiritual purposes we’ll delve further. The temple has to be just exactly as big and grand and intricate as it is because it has to hold all of our shit and suffering and personal hells in it. A place so full of pain and old stories and incredible loved ones that we’ve lost has to be magnificent and important. And then we have to burn that shit to the ground. It is our cleansing. It is our forgiving of the world for its moments of cruelty. It is our release from all things that keep us from being our highest selves. So what do you burn?
As always I hold space for my two closest grandparents, legendary counselors and my supreme examples of pure love. I burn my grief for them and raise to a level where I can still feel them with me, a place where I know they are not gone, and never will be. This year my step-mothers Mom has also passed. So I burn the sadness that has followed and I imagine her with her husband, playing cards, happy and young again, jumping into the lake behind their heavenly cabin in Wisconsin.
I burn heartache. The months in my past spent aching over my first love. I let him go completely. In the ashes I find an opening for new love and a readiness to be a part of an elevated and healthy relationship. One where we are both pushed beyond what we once thought possible in support, inspiration and unconditional love.
I burn unworthiness. I am worthy. I deserve and accept the very best in life.
I burn poverty and any thought related to being in want. As that goes up in flames, I welcome infinite abundance and know that it is my birth right. WE are energy, all things are energy, we create flow by bringing our thoughts to the gratitude of having flow. I burn stagnation. I create evolution.
These are things I am burning down for myself. But more importantly I am burning them down for each of you. By removing my own blockages, letting go of my suffering and baggage, and connecting to my highest self whenever possible I am creating a better world for us all to live in. A world more in tune with love and community.
I am burning it all down for you, and I’m hoping you burn it all down for me too.
Light, love, fire and ashes and dust,
My most recent rainbow project. Here are some details of Bowrain’s new wings…
For those of you who don’t know her, here is Bowrain’s epic tale.
And in the spirit of my favorite time of year here’s another article about BRC from a couple years ago.
This roller coaster life we love to live through. The glitter-gasms of another incredible burn fade into a harsh decompression this year. A carefree, love-crazed, giggling, jort wearing, rainbow clad clown has fallen back to earth. Back to the default world. Penniless with distant prospects. The gut wrenching heartache of love from a distance. Insatiable wanderlust. Getting deep into debt, just to look at the world from the bottom and say hello. Yes, of course it could be worse.
The view from the top is comfortable and full of possibilities but you really don’t appreciate that unless you go down once in a while. The happiness, the ease, the get up and go, the contentment you long for… it’s all perspective. So maybe we wallow in it. It can get the better of anyone, that sense of failure. What went wrong? Why do some people have it so easy? Where is my trust fund? Why do they get to fall in love with someone in the same zip code? But wallow forever? Of course not!
This life is a game and you have to play along. If you are afraid to try because you’re afraid to fail, FAIL! For heaven’s sake, fail a lot! Fail endlessly. Try things you suck at. Fall in love for the wrong reasons. Get into debt. Gamble your life away. Open your heart. Let it all fall down. Take risks. And laugh loudly when you make an ass of yourself, as expected.
Because life is too short to play it safe and die wondering, “What if?”
What if I tried?
Roughly 9.5″ in diameter, wire frames made by hand and then wrapped in yarn. Made to hang in an installation yet to be built for Burning Man 2011: Rites of Passage.